Caps' Media Day - Completely Fabricated Edition

Today is Media Day down at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. I was not issued an invitation, which is not surprising after I let it slip to a Caps official that my only real motivation for attending would have been to get close enough to Dave Steckel to enact my sweet revenge. But I'm dedicated to bringing you the in depth coverage you can't get anywhere else, so I wasn't about to let a little thing like a direct order from team management not to show up get in the way of bringing you a hard hitting story. So I did some investigating, and eventually, I was able to get Dave Steckel on the phone for a hard-hitting, in-depth interview, the transcript of which follows:

KHFC: So, Dave, please explain to my readers, in as much detail as possible, why you are trying to kill me?

DS: Who is this?

KHFC: Very funny. Seriously though, what's the deal with that?

DS: How did you get this number?

KHFC: Given your precarious position on the Caps' depth chart, shouldn't you really be more focused on trying to kill, say, Brooks Laich?

DS: Why would I try to kill Brooksie?

KHFC: Why would you try to kill me, you psycho?!

DS: ... (hangs up)

So, there you have it folks. Dave Steckel: a man who clearly wants to off his own teammates to ensure himself a spot on the opening night roster.